I think this is so hard because we still love each other.

Off the blog trail for too long again. I'm wondering if my blog disuse is because I'm actually kind of secure where I am and with what I'm doing. I think my blogging used to be a very cathartic exercise almost legitimizing whatever I was doing - even though I didn't really know exactly what that was.

Anyways. SF is awesome as always. I am so lucky to be living here. Lately I haven't been able to stop saying that. The last few months have been amazing (and really the last year+). Things have worked out incredibly well and just seem to be getting better. Right now there are only two things in my life that need work - first, a new group of pick-up soccer guys. This group of Russians (real Russians!) have kinda strong armed their way into our weekly kick abouts. They're a bit better than most of the folks we play with, which I like (turns up the heat a bit), but they play way too seriously for a pick-up. Invariably someone almost gets in a stupid argument and there's much more yelling than necessary. Ugh. Luckily I've got surfing to take the place of that until I find a new match.

Secondly? Well you can guess that one. It is the same as always.

Secondaries.
Sanchez-Tibault Wedding.
Reno.
Burningman.
Surfing.
Soccer.
Stoner.
Kickball.
Interview (9 days!)
Unemployment ending (7 days!)

Hedonism begins NOW!

What a douche, right?

Best. Day. Ever.

I hate LA, but yesterday was just about the perfect day.

-Woke up early.
-Finished a book (After dark - Murakami).
-Decided to not finish a book (Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs - Klosterman).
-Ate breakfast in a formica filled bowling alley diner.
-Walked 4-5 miles to Venice Beach.
-Surfed without a wetsuit for the first time.
-Caught some nice waves.
-Saw Hannah for the first time in years.
-Drank some beers.

Bliss!

FUCK.

I'm all over the place right now.

It has been a while, but here's the lowdown.

-Turned in applications to 21 med schools.
-Dated a guy for about 4 months.
-Held the first SF Boxwars (www.boxwars.org)
-Took a second job (60 hours/week suxxors!)

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel though. Aside from working 60 hours/week I stupidly decided to take a course on Health and Social Justice. What am I thinking? I don't have time to take a class - especially an accelerated summer class. Doh! Fortunately the course, although interesting, is relatively base and cruise-through-able. Also, the course is so strongly bent on one specific view, which I do agree with, I feel more as though I'm listening to propaganda rather than actual facts.

Aaaaah discourse.

Besides Americorps, I'm also working for Kaplan, teaching the MCAT. I really enjoy being back in the classroom, but Kaplan has already dropped the ball a couple of times. Nothing too serious, but annoying nevertheless. Also, I disagree with about 20-30% of their science pedagogy. A job is a job though, right? What is great about Kaplan is that it ends at the same time as Americorps. Freedom!

I've arranged to start working for another clinic that serves the homeless after I finish my Americorps stint. It looks considerably less chaotic than my current situation, so that looks promising. I won't be working in Kaplan while doing this job, so again, things are looking good.

I've bit the bullet and applied to med school. It is frightening to think in about a year I'll be gearing up for a (gasp) real career. Me? Professional?! Ugh. Seriously though, this is the right path for me and I'm actually looking forward to it. Learning!

More frequent posts, I promise!

Changes about!

Watch this space.

I promise a real post when I submit my applications...

Seriously...

Promise.

I'm re-re-reading Life After God.

Depressing.
So very depressing.

Oh, and there was a drive-by shooting a block (literally a block) away from my house. I was walking to get some groceries and despite never having heard a drive-by, it sounds exactly as you'd imagine.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
SQUEEEEEEAL!!!

silence

Sirens.

God damn this city. And I thought a book that reminded me just how much it sucks to be lonely was depressing.

social experiment of the day...

Craigslist M4M relationship postings
January 6th, 2007
17 relationship postings.
1023 looking for sex postings.

I hate this shit. What the fuck is wrong with us?

--------------------

Anyways. Rang in the new year with This Bike is a Pipe Bomb, a very drunk contingent of Shannon, Dustin, Justin, Nick and Christina (+cousin). Had a reasonably good new year night, continued my (lifelong) tradition of not kissing anyone at midnight (ya know, except for the tragic pity kiss that i've become so adept at receiving AFTER everyone else kisses their real dates) and didn't get anywhere near a fight like happened 2 years ago. All in all good times.

Glad the holiday season is over.

Time to start thinking about June. Ugh.

AMCAS is my new bitch me thinks.

Who knew? In my little dead emotionless heart is a hopeless romantic. If only I didn't have to fly 5000 miles to prove it to myself.

God damn.

sewing machine!
cool xmas kids!
beer! wine! 211!

yeah!

body.
not.
happy.

brain.
mostly.
happy.

type out a ways away. i say it pretty often, but have never seen it written. kinda fun to type.

i really need to keep a notepad with me from day to day again. so many write worthy things in my day-to-day.

an example:
on saturday driving with cristine's npr uncle along the projects we were treated to a lovely pair of hooker boobs (with the attached hooker lounged across the hood of a big black car [i like to dream it was a caddy, but i don't think so]).

yay!

how depressing. my tolerance for crazy has gone WAY down in my day to day life as the amount of crazy that i deal with in my work life has gone WAY up.

i love the crazy. i really do.

i think.

i didn't want to like it. really. i didn't.

maybe it was because it was the queerest thing i've ever seen in vegas.
maybe it was hanging with old friends.
maybe it was returning to the glorious.hideousness that is the vegas

maybe, just maybe, i like the spice girls.

who can say?

my neuroses are driving me crazy. seriously.

how depressing.

anyways, i racked up my second ever bingo in scrabble tonight. that's good, right?

i'm not very good at not being good at things...especially when there is no textbook or anything for me to learn from except my own mistakes.

fucking adolescent!

gay cowboys, drag queens and turkey oh my!

scabies and tapeworm and self-chopped-off-penises oh my!

i love my job.

big d and the kids table: amazing!

seriously. probably one of the best shows i've been to in a while, maybe ever. they ended with a cover of the specials' little bitch. i mean, can you get any better? i fucking love that song. could have used another 40 kids inside, but i really can't complain. i've ever bought a tshirt after a show only once before [(International) Noise Conspiracy] and had i a bit more change in my pocket i'd certainly have another.

aaaaand i'm not even drunk!

Saaan Fran-cicso! This town. So great. Jeez.

I still can’t believe how well everything here has worked out.

Things I like about SF:
My local Mexican bakery where the guy who works in the morning calls everyone ‘el hefe’ and the abuela who works at night and speaks to me in Spanish.
Joe at Nervous Dog who always is smiling and notices when I’m having a shitty day aaaand makes the best of the black stuff.
The Fruit/Veg shop on Church.
Lazy Sundays in Dolores Park.
Lazy Sundays in Golden Gate Park.
The Homeless Folks.
Surfing in front of the Windmill.
Naked guys on the beach, not the usual nudists either!
Tenderloin – fun to say – fun to experience!
The MUNI – especially the trains. They sound so awesome when they roll by.
The hills, except on a crowded bus. Slanted riding does not make for good mass transit.
The hills, watching a moped rider have to pedal just to make it up is great.
Bikes.
The crazy amount of local government/public access/pbs-esque stations.
Zines.
Farmer’s Markets. All the time.
Best. Omelet. Ever.
Bars with patios – zeitgeist, the eagle, wild side west

Things I don’t like about SF.
The newspapers, even the indie weeklies. I think the Chronicle tries too hard to be ‘’local’ when it really needs to step up and be the international paper that a city like San Francisco deserves. Sure, there is a place for local interest and whatnot, but the newspaper for this city should be a world-class paper. Also, the Sunday paper is tiny and relatively boring. I’m tempted to start buying the New York Times, but the $5.00 price tag is pretty scary. Not to mention the hatred for the NY Times lack of comics. No comics! Uppity fucking paper!

The SF Weekly is annoying and too hip for its own good. Kinda similar to the OC Weekly after the recent ownership change. I only read Savage Love. They haven’t even syndicated Ask a Mexican! Just doesn’t quite seem on the ‘pulse’ of the city.

The SF Guardian is more on the mark, but there is something about that I don’t quite connect with. I’m not entirely sure what it is, but I’m just not feeling the writing over there either.

Each neighborhood has a local paper or newsletter too. These are pretty awesome, especially because of the hyper-local niche that they fill. The writing tends to be decidedly mediocre. Not unreadable or anything, but certainly not at the level. Also, these are the most likely to use 12-point ariel and have highly-obnoxious layout.

I should just subscribe to the Economist and shut my mouth.

(Used) Needles on the street. C’mon kids! We’ve got a needle exchanges all over town for a reason.

The banh mi shops. Little Saigon in SF runs right through the Tenderloin (Larkin Street), perfect for lunchtime munch. I’ve tried 4 sandwich places so far and none of them are amazing. There’s a Lee’s which is, as we all know, okay. The apparently ‘best’ banh mi in the city, is directly across form Lee’s and, I’ll admit, their bread is fresh and their pickled veg is crunchy and strongly flavored. All the makings of a good sandwich, right? Whatever they put in the vegetarian sandwich is dry, and after a few bites you wish for some flavor other than that of cotton mouth. I’m sure the meat-based sandwiches are better (meat day experiment perhaps?) than the boringness that was their banh mi chay.

Saigon Sandwich is just down the street from there and is pretty good. Lots of fun Vietnamese snacky snacks and a banh mi chay with delicious lightly cooked seasoned tofu. Thick pieces too – like you’re really biting into something substantial. Sure the pickled veg isn’t quite as good, but the bread is definitely on par. No iced coffee, but we’re not reviewing that today (frightenly that award just might go to Lee’s). Lastly is this Chinese/Vietnamese combo shop. SO BAD. Should have recognized the lack of Vietnamese inside as a lack of quality Vietnamese food. The carrots were just shredded, possibly pickled, but I think they were just splashed with some vinegar. Bleagh.

I’ll find the names of these places to remind y’all where not to go.

I really don’t to write what I’m about to write, but the Mexican food has been relatively mediocre. I mean, we’re in California, right? It seems that most places all source from the same suppliers causing little variety between veggie burritos. I’ve got plenty of other places to try, but there really hasn’t been anything that stands out. Sure, one can make the argument that the major flavor in a burrito (akin to a banh mi) is the meat. I claim, though, that the basis of a good burrito is infact the beans, rice and found in all burritos. Nothing really bad, but again, nothing that stands out. I can’t decide how I feel about the usage of tin foil to wrap the burritos. I think that it actually encourages the act of overusing mediocre ingredients to make up for the mediocrity of said ingredients.

I’ll admit though, I do like the ubiquitous serving of chips and salsa with everything.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh.

I don't need this. Stress. It has been a while since we've tussled.

Got my first blood stain at clinic last week.
It is going to be hard not to catch HepC.
TG Library = Awesome.
Heroin Chic is a lie (Why is it hard to convince other people of this fact?).
Safe Injection Site should be a go.
NARCAN!
Double scheduling patients, although stressful, sometimes works really well, especially when exactly half of them don't show.
Scar tissue BLEEDS!
Nude Beach & 80F is a great relaxive technique.
Playing hunt the junkie is never easy.
Gay men intimidate me to no end (especially the good looking ones).
7L, 8L, 15L coming soon!

Medicine just might be the right path for me.